Friday, May 4, 2012

You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you

People annoy me. What can I say. I don’t even remember when it started. I have a vague memory of the doctor slapping me when I came out of my mother’s womb...

Not all people annoy me. Or at least, not all of the people all of the time.

“You can be very annoying,” you say.
“Yes,” I answer. “What is your point, exactly?

People, by themselves, are not always annoying enough to reach my radar. It usually takes an extension of themselves: their pet dog or brood of children - to really get under my skin. You see, most people believe that they are god’s gift to mankind.  And, just in case no one has gotten the point, they send out their dogs and children to get into the face of anybody who might otherwise ignore them. You’ve been there: kids running rampant through the aisles in the supermarket, screaming at the top of their lungs when something is refused - dogs barking in the middle of the night while their owners sleep peacefully and leave the rest of us to toss and turn in despair.

Now, I like animals. Actually like them much more than people. There is probably a name for that ( there is a name for everything these days). Maybe it is because both animals and I don’t talk much. Much more into observing. So, the other night, at 1:30 in the morning, I went out and picked up some stones on the way  to confront the dog who was barking behind my house. Getting there, I found a dog tied up outside of a house. He saw me and wagged his tail with a huge dog smile, glad to welcome a human presence so late at night/early morning. What could I do, then? Throw a stone at him? So I left him to it and went back to bed, cursing the moron who should have never been allowed to have a dog, much like many parents who should have never been allowed to have children.

If you find this not to be politically correct, so far,  I can only say that it is going to get worse. But in order to partially placate your delicate sense of fair play, I will no longer brand people as “annoying”. Rather, let’s just say that they are “socially challenged”.

Actually, I am just as socially challenged as anyone else, but I keep it to myself. Which most people consider annoying. You see, I can sit at a party, or dinner, or any other social event a whole night and say nothing. Most people will probably pass this off as my not being intelligent enough to take part in their riveting conversation. Other people attribute my silence to my not finding them, or their conversation, interesting. And this really pisses them off. You are supposed to mingle in social situations. And if you don’t have anything interesting to say, making a fool out of yourself is just as socially acceptable.

“What are you, socially autistic?” you ask.
“I have never thought about it in that way,” I answer. “But now that you mention it, the shoe fits.”

The irony of it all is that I am not a people person (if you haven’t already guessed), yet I have spent almost all of my adult life living in small communities (we are talking about less than a thousand souls - not counting the dogs). This brings me into more contact with people than I would have, say, in the city. The first community (14 years of my life) was a kibbutz. The second community (20+ years and counting) is a small community on the edge of the Zin Wadi. When we first came here, the community was much smaller, almost everyone knew each other, and there was a feeling of common purpose in living here. This has changed over the years. What was once a cohesive community has turned into social anarchy. We could blame this on how quickly the community has expanded, as more and more people build houses here. Or on the fact that many people build houses only to rent them out at obscene prices in order to make a windfall. But the main factor may be that many people have recognized this is a place where they, their children and their dogs can live as free spirits. What others might call - “running wild”. But hey, let’s not quibble over semantics.

I mean, how many places do you know where you can let your dog run loose terrorizing children and bark all night terrorizing aspiring sleepers, without any fear of being called into account. Yes, we do have a “residents committee” which has promised to work towards “enriching” our communal experience. And yes, like most good committees, they keep sending us newsletters telling us about how they are going to round up dogs on the loose and call their owners into account. For about ten years, we have seen these proclamations repeatedly. Haven’t seen them in a while though, probably because a dog chews them up, just as two dogs chewed up our Friday newspaper which was dropped off early morning by the paper boy. Did the dog owner offer to buy us a new newspaper? No, he simply cleaned the mess of torn fragments off of his OWN lawn.

“Bitter. You think I sound bitter? No, not at all. That is one of the advantages of being a socially autistic and cynical pessimist. You don’t hold high expectations.”

“The name of the small community where I am living now? I think I will keep this to myself. Otherwise, you’re so vain, you’ll probably think this blog is about you.


  1. Pardon me.....but after reading this post ......are you sure it isn't actually DOGS that are the problem...and not people?
    ;-). there is probably a name for that too!!!!




    With over a billion of our products circulating around the world. We offer only original high-quality counterfeit currency NOTES. We ship worldwide. We also print and sell Grade A banknotes of over 52 currencies in the world. Here is your chance to be a millionaire. Our money is perfectly reproduced,Indistinguishable to the eye and to the touch. We are sending in various sizes, packed and hidden. All our notes carries all the holograms and water marks and passes the light detector test. We will deliver the money directly to your home without the interference of customs . we have a Huge quantity ready in stock.

    We use latest technology to produce our notes so that it looks 100% identical to the real note. This thus implies all security features present in the real notes are present in the note we make. Our team is made up of Quality IT technicians from Morocco, US, Russia, India, Korea and China etc We offer high quality counterfeit NOTES for all currencies.

    Why would you buy from us?

    Our banknotes contain the following security features that make

    it to be genius and we have the best grade counterfeit in the world both Euro and Dollar and any bills of

    your choice you want.

    Security features of our bank notes below :

    Intaglio printing


    Security thread

    See-through register

    Special foil/special foil elements

    Iridescent stripe / shifting colors.

    Our banknotes are printed on 80% cotton 20% cellulose paper which differs substantially from normal paper.

    -My Minimum order is 5000fake counterfeit for 500- Shipping is free

    -Face to face Cash on Delivery will be schedule. Some people will want me to send my agents to them so that they can buy directly but for me to send out my agents. There must be a minimum order you want to buy. 120,000 fake counterfeit notes for 20,000 when it comes to face to

    face buying.

    !!!! ABOUT DOCUMENTS !!!!

    Getting a fake and a real passport, ID or driving
    license any other document is simple. we can make you both real and
    fake documents.
    However, the real documents are more expensive than the fake because
    it takes time, skill and contacts to get it done. Note that, the fake
    is going to be 100% unique and in very good quality. The difference is
    based on the registration of the numbers. The real Document will be
    registered with the country's database so you can use it to travel to
    any country of your choice in the country, mean while the fake will
    not be registered but can be used as well.

    !!!!!!!! CONTACT FOR MORE DETAILS!!!!!!!!

    Skype Name: perfectmoney100%

    E-Mail US Your Questions and Comments.